Happy Birthday Dawn!

I've been feeling quiet. Feeling like I have nothing to say. Things have been busy, and cold. Really, nothing much out of the normal, nothing other than the sheer, utter-madness cold. Stupid cold as I like to call it.

This past weekend we celebrated Dawn's 5th birthday. I am finding it hard to belive she is 5, while she is finding it hard to believe that she is ONLY 5. It's a birthday she has been waiting for for almost a year now.

We woke-up on Sunday to our usual Sunday ritual. Junior started the hash browns and bacon while I whipped up a batch of pancakes (for him to cook-up). While making breakfast Junior suggested we let Dawn open her birthday gifts, instead of torturing her until after breakfast, so we let her have at it. It was a "Littlest Pet Shop" themed birthday and she got everything she wanted. We then spent the next half-hour taking turns setting-up the big play house we got her while the other made breakfast. But in the end it was a good choice, both the gifts and the timing. The kids played for hours with the new toys, and I have to say they are the cutest things ever! Once we cleaned-up from breakfast I started decorating the cake, which turned out perfect! Then we had time to relax a bit before the party madness ensued. We had the party with 11 of her closest friends, a bowling party, and she was SO very, very happy. This is the party she has been longing for, her big sister had one and she was so jealous that she had to wait until she was 5 for one, but finally her day has come.

The party guests were all fairly well behaved, as much as they can be for a group of 5-6 year old girls (and 3 boys). Thank goodness for a few friends that stayed and the parents that didn't want to leave their kids behind. Dawn had invited her two BFF's from preschool, that she hasn't seen in a few months (bad Mommy) and was able to bowl with them, along with some new friends from kindergarden and Sparks. She got a ton of new toys (yay) that she is totally thrilled about, and even better! She turned 5! (Oh did I mention that already?) Next step-teenager, because being a teenager is the cats ass, apparently.

Tomorrow night is parent-teacher interviews. And from the looks of Dawn's report card we really have nothing to chat about. How nice. She is kind and courteous in class, pays attention and gets her work done. What more can I ask for? I am convinced that she is going to be starting to read by the end of Kindergarden, and I can't wait!

Way to go sweetie!

Woo-Hoo!!!!

Lucky ME!!

I decided a while back that the only way I was going to accomplish my goal of training for a half-marathon next summer was to either join a gym or buy myself a treadmill. Well, the problem with the gym is that I would have to use it after the kids went to bed at 8pm or pay for daycare between the hours of 9 and noon, at $3.00 per kid. Not gonna happen.

So I decided to get a treadmill. Maybe it's not the best decision financially, but it makes sense athletically speaking. Well my darling cousin Mark, who is now an assistant manager at a fitness store got me a great deal on a used machine.

It's a few years old, but it works great, and it came with a 2 year parts and labor warranty, even better. All for only $900, not outrageous for a treadmill, and within our budget enough not to make me totally irresponsible.

Here it is!!!

I just used it for the first time and I am SO happy! It's the first time in weeks that I have been able to work out, and even with being alone with all 3 kids I got a great workout in! We are ALL happy! Well, maybe not Junior so much, he's thinks its going to be a big clothes hanger.

I will admit that my "have-to" purchase of an elliptical machine a few years back was a bad idea. But to my defense it makes my feet go numb when I use it, I hate it. I have always liked using the treadmill, even at the gym. So now I have to start marking my calendar and getting my workout plan in order to get in shape for next spring.

Yippee!!!!

It's all relative until someone loses an eye...or something like that...

When you have a baby you worry. Will he be safe? Will he be happy? Will he sleep? Is he eating enough? You think to yourself, how will I make it through?! This is SO tough.

When they get older you think, it can't get any harder! He's into everything! He keeps touching things that he shouldn't! Why-oh-why is this potty training thing SO hard?!

When they hit preschool you breathe a sigh of relief. He's gaining independence. He's making his own friends and such a joy, things are great.

Basically you lull yourself into believing that you've gone through the tough stuff until the teenage years. How can elementary school be hard? It's just learning to read and learning how to count. Right?

HA! I laugh in your face. That baby stuff? It was easy! I can handle a little sleep deprivation, the poopy diapers and the fussy-ness (at least the average stuff). That stuff never made me cry, not as much as I have cried over grade 2 (or grade 1 or kindergarten). I never felt like an absolute failure as a parent the same way as I do right now.

I'm doing my best, but that's not going to help when Ash's teacher looks at me with pleading eyes and says "She's struggling and I don't know what to do for her". WTF!!?? She's the teacher! She is supposed to have answers, she's not supposed to be looking to ME for answers? Doesn't she realize that I'm winging it? I don't know anything when it comes to getting through to kids. She's the one that used to be a resource teacher!

We have only 3 weeks to go until the testing happens, a month until we get those test results back. And it can't come soon enough. Maybe the Dr's will have answers and I can feel like I'm helping again, because right now I just don't know.

Although my one positive from today is that I didn't cry when I had a little chat with the Principal of the school. Phew. I guess I got it all out in front of Ash's teacher and the school aid in the classroom. And I felt like the principal actually listened to me and was willing to help me get an interim IPP for Ash until we have the precious diagnosis that the school so desperately needs. He's supposed to call me back tomorrow to let me know what's going on at his end.

It's all baby stepping for Blues Clues, and I want to giant step for them. This stuff takes too much time. It's been almost a year since we started this whole testing process!

I want to go back in time to when Ash was a baby. A smiling, giggling, happy baby and just BE again. I want to go back to being blissfully un-aware of the trouble ahead, because back then I didn't know how easy I had it.

Two times in the past month I have had two separate people tell me, as I was crying, that "being a Mom is hard". I agree, fully.

Diet, Exercise...blah...

So, I started reading YOU: On a Diet: The Owners Manual to Waist Management this past week. I was watching Oprah last week and she had Dr. Oz on (I don't normally watch Oprah) and he was talking about his new book and the effects of dieting on your body. I, of course, got sucked in and bought the book the next day. It's an interesting read, not inspring at this point, but interesting. I'm just hoping to find something to get my mind in gear so that I can get into this whole diet thing. I'm tired of the run-around that I have been on for the past two years. I need to get my shit together and get past this.

I've been procrastinating my workouts, my running, my eating right. And this needs to stop. I hate being the fat sister, the fat friend, even though I'm really not that big. I have everything I need to get this done, I just need to find my motivation. I DID convince Junior to let me get a treadmill, now I just have to find one that we can afford. I'm hoping to get something second hand through the bargain finder or something, and maybe I can get something older, but nicer. With the weather we have been having this past month, it certainly has been easy to put off doing anything outside!

Anyhow, if I want to run that half-marathon next summer then I'm going to have to start getting something going. If nothing else, I have to run in order to be able to accomplish that goal. It's a big one, but I WANT to do it. I DO. I CAN. I WILL.

Anyone have a treadmill they want to sell?