The Year of No Excuses

Yesterday as I was running I was thinking to myself that is what I am going to call this year.

For the first time since I had Harris I have made it past the two week point on BFL. I'm working out on a regular basis, and running on a regular basis, and eating GOOD on a regular basis while taking only ONE free day, instead of two or three. And finally, I am seeing a consistent loss of weight. While I was fooling myself last year thinking that I was trying really hard and my body wouldn't let me lose the weight, I know now that I just wasn't trying hard enough.

It's only two weeks in, but it's a milestone for me. I still want to eat right through all of my meals and I don't want to cheat in any major way. And most days, I don't feel starved all day long, which has been the point of collapse for me in the past. I'm tired of making excuses for myself as to why I'm not the size I want to be. It's not like I want to be supermodel skinny, I just want to be a healthier size, I'm thinking about 19-20% body fat, for a weigh-in of about 155-160lbs. That seems reasonable to me. Maybe when I get there I won't be happy with it, but at least it won't totally kill me to stay at that size and I know it's a manageable weight for me. I've done it before, I can do it again.

My other mindset is, of course, the running. I am really enjoying it. I mean, it's not like I LOVE to get on that treadmill and run, I still labor through and just get it done. But I love that "runners high" I get in the end, it's addicting. I feel proud of myself, which motivates me to move on. And then there is Junior, he's just as committed as me, which is a change that I haven't seen in him for the past few years. It's easy being lazy and eating whatever you want. Getting off of your ass and exercising after work or when the kids have gone to bed is tough. As much as I would love to sit on the couch with a big handful of bon-bons and watch "my shows" for a few hours in the afternoon while Harris is sleeping and the girls are at school, it's just not worth it. What IS worth it is feeling better about who I am, being proud of me again. Not hiding behind big, bulky sweaters and layered shirts. And I know that Junior is feeling the same way as me. The only way to feeling good again is to go through a bit of pain first, and once it's a habit, then we start to reap the benefits of that new lifestyle.

I know I'm not going to feel this way every day. But when I DO feel down and low and just want to grab that big 'ol bag of chips, hopefully I can dig deep and remember this feeling.

I picture myself when I am running on that treadmill with wind blowing through my hair, striding long and confident. Not gasping for air, just running along enjoying what I am doing. I have been there before and it was a great place to be. I want to be "that" person that you watch running down the street, with such confidence and grace, looking great in her running gear. That is the picture I hold in my head when the going gets tough and the contents in the fridge are calling my name.